


Figuring it out

by Savorybreakfasts



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Confusion, Cunnilingus, F/M, Fingerfucking, I refuse to call it pegging except for search purposes, Julian Bashir's canonical foot fetish, Kissing, PIV Intercourse, Pegging, Post-Canon, Sex Toys, Vaginal Fisting, ezri fucking Julian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-08-11 01:00:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16465679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Savorybreakfasts/pseuds/Savorybreakfasts
Summary: After three centuries in so many bodies, it's taking some time and effort for Ezri Dax to figure out what she likes. Luckily, she has an eager partner.Julian is lost and bereft in the absence of Miles, Garak, and Sisko. Literal ray of sunshine Ezri Daz is there for him.Takes place after the series finale and before Julian goes to be with Garak on Cardassia.





	1. Chapter 1

"Ah, ah Julian, stop! Stop! Red!”

Julian pulled away from Ezri’s feet and put his hands up. “Ezri? You just safe-worded from having your feet kissed?”

“You were tickling me!”

“I was not tickling you. It was erotic massage.”

“Tickling is a matter of impact, not intent. If I say you were tickling me, you were tickling me.”

Julian pulled himself up to lie beside her on the bed.  She continued, “Anyway, it was for your safety. Any more of that and I couldn’t be held responsible where I kicked.”

“I thought you would like it. I mean, we talked about, you know, feet.”

“I thought I did, too! Emony loved it. She had amazing feet, you know. Gymnast. And loved having them touched, licked…”

Julian groaned and put his hands over his face. “Don’t tease me.”

"I’m sorry, honey. I know you were hoping, It’s hard, though, figuring out what I like and don’t like. After so many lives in so many bodies. It’s like bloodwine. I thought I liked it but it’s disgusting!”

“Great. You’re comparing me kissing your feet to bloodwine. Next it’ll be gagh.”

“No, you know what I mean. It’s confusing. I know one thing that is Ezri for sure though.” She looked at his face, his mouth, looked down her body, and smiled. Ever eager to please, Julian didn’t require any further hints. He kissed his way down her neck, taking her earlobe in his mouth and rolling it around like a promise. She was already clutching the sheets before he even reached her breasts. He pulled away and murmered, “I wish I had two mouths.”

“Curzon once was with someone--” he put a hand over her mouth to stop that story, and she licked and bit his fingers. He slid one into her mouth, then two, three, and she sucked them slowly until he pulled his hand away and lowered it between her legs.

“Oh!” He cupped her mons and pressed gently with his closed fingers, then began rocking her with his hand as his mouth continued down her torso. She spread her legs inviting him in, but he passed by, kissing and licking her thighs, her hips, still rocking his hand.

“Don’t tease.”

He took his hand away and looked up, met her eyes. “You love it when I tease.”

She gasped and arched to try to meet his hand, hovering inches away. “Nope. You’re being greedy. You have to wait.” Ezri writhed and groaned. Julian smiled and continued to make his way down her legs, stopping well above her feet, then back up. When he had kissed and licked from her ankles to the crease of her leg, he finally moved his mouth over to her cunt. She arched her back, and he quickly grabbed a pillow to slide under her ass. She pulled her knees to her sides and back. Still some Emony in her. He dove in.

God, she tasted good. He took her clit in his mouth, so hot and swollen, rolled it on his tongue as he breathed in her scent. He had one hand pushing against her thigh and the other holding her ass. He brought the hand on her thigh down to her hip and the hand under her ass over, moved himself to the side so he could lick her clit without blocking her cunt. She threw a leg over his shoulder, wrapping it around him as he slid two fingers into her. She gasped, “more, more,” as her body opened to him, and he responded, adding a fingers and curling it forward, pressing her G spot in rhythm with his tongue on her clit. “I want more. I want your hand.”

He hesitated--they hadn’t done this. But her eagerness was real. “Just wait one second,” he told her. “One second.” He squirmed out from under her leg to reach for the lube sitting on the nightstand, trying to leave as much of him in contact with her as he could. Had it. He dove back and buried his face in her cunt again, licking her, sliding his tongue in, while he flipped open the lube one-handed and covered his fingers. He pulled back slightly as he slid his fingers in, stretching her. Then he withdrew, crossed his fingers together as tightly as he could, thumb pressed to his palm, and slowly, as gently as possible, pushed his hand forward. Her body did the rest, pulling him in up to his wrist. She wrapped her leg back around him, heel to his shoulder, and he brought his mouth back to her clit as he rocked her.

He thought they would have to stop, change position at least, that it would hurt her before she was able to come, but she continued pulsing around his hand, moaning in ecstasy. And so he continued.

Her orgasm exploded and shook them both. She dug her foot into his back, clenched down on his hand, jerked up so suddenly her taut belly smacked his nose, then fell back gasping. Julian pulled his hand out as slowly and gently as he could. Ezri gasped.

“Ow! Careful! Oh shit, you really did have your whole hand in there, didn’t you? I was so far gone I didn't even know. That was incredible.” Ezri sighed then laughed. “Oh my God. Come here. Are you ok? Did I break you?” 

He stretched his fingers out, rotated his wrist slowly. “I think I’m ok.” He reached a hand up to his nose. “Yep, this is fine. Damn, Ezri, where did that come from?”

“That was me, honey. I’ve never...that was just me and you.”

Julian lay back in satisfaction and pulled her into the crook of his arm. “That was incredible. But next time you top, ok? I think it’ll be safer.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An angsty, sexless interlude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate how the show ret-conned Julian's feelings for Jadzia. Their bi bro friendship was the best. So this is my fix-it.

Ezri was standing over a pile of PADDs when Julian came by to take her to dinner.

“Still working? Let’s put that aside.” He came over and wrapped his arms around her from behind, nuzzling her neck. He reached to move her work to the side then jolted back. Every PADD had an image of a different type of phallus.

“Um, Ezri?”

“I’m trying to figure out what I like. You know, to fuck you. I picked some shapes that I liked before, as Jadzia. And this one is similar to what I had when I was Curzon, and that toy is modelled on a Klingon, not Worf, I mean, that would be weird, but just like a generic Klingon.  Oh! That one’s Cardassian! I figured you might like that.”

“No. No, no, no, no, no.” Julian put his hands on his head and paced. “Ezri. We are not playing pick an alien cock. That’s not...this is not sexy. Is this sexy to you?”

Ezri frowned and considered. “No, actually.”

“I want you to fuck me, but I want you to fuck me. You, Ezri.  And only you know what shape that will be.”

Ezri went and put her arms around him. She tilted her head back and he leaned in to kiss her. When they pulled apart she spoke.

“You’re wonderful, Julian.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes. When I first, when you first started flirting, I worried, about, you know. Nerys worried, too. She didn’t think I should...but, I was wrong. You see me. You just see me.”

Julian scrubbed his hand over his face. “You were right to worry, love. When you first came we were all half mad with grief, and it clouded my vision. I wasn’t still in love with Jadzia, that ended long before her death. She was my friend. You know she bought me porn once? From Nog? Yeah. That was the kind of friendship we had.” He paced silently for a moment, lost in memory.

“But then you came, and I was so attracted to you, and I missed her so much, and you’re still Dax, what was Dax in Jadzia is still in you...and, it got jumbled...I was confused, I thought I still had feelings for Jadzia. And then when you told me it would have been me--that Jadzia would have been with me! I just--”

Ezri met his eyes and took a steadying breath. “That was wrong, Julian. I was wrong. Sometimes I can’t sort my now feelings from my remembered feelings, and the same is true the other way.  I was feeling drawn to you, so powerfully drawn to you, and misremembering how I felt as Jadzia. But it wasn’t Jadzia, it never was. You know that, right?”

“I knew long before she died she wouldn’t love me like that, and I loved the way she loved me. But I was confused. When we first started out, I was confused.”

“We both were. But you know now? It’s me, Ezri. And Dax.”

He folded her to his chest. “That is all I want, Ezri Dax. That is everything I want.”


	3. Chapter 3

“Have you picked a toy?”

“Just you wait, Julian.”

“Oh, c’mon. It won’t ruin the surprise.”

“Julian. I said you have to wait.”

Julian shivered. Some days Ezri’s voice took on a tone, as if she could see through him--all of his fantasies, all of his wants, and she was the one to decide whether to grant them.

They finished their desserts and lingered over coffee, then Ezri stood and held out her hand. “My place,” she said.

Five years ago he would have chattered, but didn’t do that so much anymore.  Julian enjoyed the warmth of her small hand in his. They entered her quarters, and he couldn’t resist the urge to look around for it. Ezri noticed of course, and merely smiled. 

She had a bottle of trill liqueur she poured into crystal sherry glasses and settled on the sofa. Julian followed. He took a sip, savored the sweetness, then stretched out his body, legs over the armrest, head in Ezri’s lap, and closed his eyes. She put on some trill music that reminded him of the jazz Sisko played at his dinner parties, instruments he didn’t recognize playing out a call and response. He let himself drift into a trance-like state while Ezri played with his hair.

“There,” she said.

“What?”

“You’re where I want you. How I want you. Come to the bedroom.”

They undressed each other slowly, Julian kissing her spots, the nape of her neck, the hollow over her collarbone. All his favorite places. She pushed him gently onto the bed and he lay back, stretched his arms behind his head.

“You look like the sethe that got the fenza bird.”

“I don’t know what that is but it sounds satisfied.”

Ezri trailed her fingers down his torso. “It is.” She followed hands with mouth, kissing and licking, reaching his hip before making her way back up. He groaned in protest. “Patience, Julian.”   
  
She found his cock after an eternity, started with slow licks before taking it into her mouth, not all the way, never all the way but it didn’t matter, not at all, not with her soft hand wrapped around what her mouth couldn’t take in. Anything she did to him was perfect, whatever she gave and took. She reached her other hand down between his legs, stroking softly then teasing his opening. Then she pulled away.

Julian groaned. 

“Hey. Open your eyes.”

He did. In her hands was a glass object, catching the room’s light and casting rainbows. It was beautiful. Arched like a bow, one side of the arc smooth, the other undulating curves, ovals of glass at either end. 

“I had it made. The glassmaker on the promenade. We designed it together.” The pride on her face drove away any thought he had of embarrassment. 

“It’s beautiful, Ezri. You designed this?”

“For us. Yes.”

“God, you are phenomenal.”

She leaned back down and kissed him deeply.

“Take me, Ezri. I can’t wait.”

“Oh, I will.”

She slid in a warm, oiled finger, two, worked him open. Then the toy. It was warm, he didn’t know how and didn’t care. It was amazing. She slid it in and out gently, and brought her mouth back to his cock.

He warned her before he came and she finished him off with her hot hand, his body clenching on the glass. He opened his eyes and looked at her in wonder. “You look like the cat that got the cream.” It was true--her smile was almost smug.

“I feel pretty damned good.”

“You should. Jesus, Ezri. Handmade sex toys. No one’s ever... I’ve never…”

“Me neither.”

“Really? This isn’t some old Dax trick? Woo your lovers with insertable objets d’art?

“Never. Just us, Julian.”

It was his favorite thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love erotica, and porn, but I'm aware of the way it can create unrealistic expectations--like the one that everyone can, and wants to deep-throat, and swallow. So I wrote Ezri not comfortable with either, and still a fucking phenomenal lover. As far as roles--I like to imagine that by the 24th century we'll be far enough past gender roles that who penetrates, how and with what, will be purely a matter of preference, not parts, and everyone will be aware that every body has both orifices and appendages, and will take full advantage.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a little bit of angst before the sexy part. Thank you Vocal_fries for the sex in water inspiration.

Julian kicked a rock down the trail and watched it bounce. “I’m just saying, sometimes it’s hard to forget that it’s just pixels. A manufactured day in the country to let people forget they’re on a spinning disk in the middle of nowhere.”

“You’re usually so much better at suspending disbelief. You used to live in these things! Now, your ex, on the other hand...you sound kinda like him right now. When I was trying to use a holosuite to help with his claustrophobia--”

“Ezri.” 

She looked up. “What?”

“Don’t call him that.”

“Okay, sorry…. But why do you think it is? You can go next-door and pretend it’s mid-20th-century Las Vegas, but this is unbelievable to you?”

“It’s not about believable or unbelievable. Vic’s is just Vic’s. It’s not really mid-20th-century Las Vegas. I wouldn’t want it to be. But no one wants a pretend hike.”

“I do, Julian. This is exactly what I wanted today, remember? I made this plan?”

“I’m sorry.”

They continued walking in silence. He could practically hear Ezri’s mind turning.

“Why is it, though? Why can’t you be present today? Is it about Garak?”

“I just said I didn’t want to talk about Garak.”

“No, you said not to call him your ex.”

Julian stopped and turned to her. “Alright, it’s about Garak. Satisfied?”

He continued walking, fast enough she had to jog to keep up. He felt a bit mean, until he realized she wasn’t even breathing faster and could jog along beside effortlessly. Well, then. He slowed down.  

“Why are you so obsessed with my relationship with Garak, anyway?”

“Obsessed? I’m not the one who can’t even hear him mentioned. Honestly, Julian, if you would like to brood over Garak today I’m not going to stop you. But I came here to hike, and I have one day off this cycle.”

They kept walking while he considered his options. Going back to his quarters alone, having a drink, and brooding over Garak had more appeal than he liked to admit. On the other hand, sunshine, however artificial, oxygen-saturated air, wind in leaves, and the only person who brought him joy anymore. He exhaled and took her hand. “I’d like to stay and start over. If you want to."

She bumped his hip and laced her fingers through his. “I do.” They walked slowly, stopping to look at the flora and up at the clouds. It was a program neither of them were familiar with, from a place they had never been. “Something novel,” Ezri had said. It was very green. Not much happening, it seemed, not very spectacular views. A meandering trail that looked deceptively level, only the ache in his legs and the air growing thinner letting him know they were climbing, through tall old-growth forest, dotted with occasional ruins of stone walls.

“I had a friend from Appalachia on the  _ Destiny. _ Another ensign. Such a rich culture. Took humanity far too long to truly appreciate it. She had such wonderful stories, and songs. And capable! I used to joke she could do the job of anyone on that ship, fly it better than anyone, keep it running with scrap parts, and doctor us all with the plants she grew in her quarters.”

“I’ve heard of the folk medicines they had. Some were truly groundbreaking.”

“We were always going to take a vacation to Earth. She was going to introduce me to her granny, take me hiking. But then, well…”

“Yeah.” 

They fell back into silence, until Julian spoke. “Do you regret it?”

“Dax? I can’t. I mean, I am Dax now.”

“Yes, but, you never signed up for it.”

“That’s true for most of what we get in life, isn’t it?”

“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” 

“Hmm?” 

“An old song. It always made me think about my father. He had nothing but plans. Very few ever followed through on. Except me. He managed that.”

“Speaking of things you never signed up for.”

“Yeah.”

He squeezed her hand and they continued walking. Her warmth radiating beside him, the warmth of exertion, and the sun all combined to relax his body, and bring a smile to his face. She smiled back. “I think I feel like a run. You?”

He shook his head. “I’m enjoying this pace. You go ahead though.”

“Thanks. I won’t go too far.”

He enjoyed the sight of her of her as she ran ahead, until she was out of view. A moment of quiet, then he heard, “Julian! There’s a waterfall! Come quickly!”

By the time he got there she was already out of her clothes and had walked down to stand on a low ledge above a deep pool. He followed her, stripping and tossing his clothes aside as he went. The rocks were slippery. He joined her at the edge and she smiled up at him.

“On three….two….one!” 

They hit the water with a loud splash.

“Oh Jesus, oh bloody Christ, it’s fucking cold!”

“Of course it’s cold!” Ezri shook out her hair, laughing. “It’s a waterfall!”

“Oh. I’ve never done this. Was never much of a hiker back on Earth.”

“You never checked out a holo program?"

“If it didn’t require a costume I generally wasn’t interested.” He sucked in a breath and pushed his body down to try and feel the bottom. It got even colder, but he popped back up before he could find it.

“This is nice, though. I feel like it’s getting warmer.”

“You’re getting warmer.”

“Yeah?” He swam to her and leaned in for a kiss, pressed up against her. “Am I?”  She wrapped her legs around him.

“Yes.”

“Hey, no fair making me tread water for both of us.”

“Fine, I’ll do it, then” She slid her legs back down and tried to pull his around her. He laughed and flopped back in the water instead, turned and dove, kicking the water to splash her. He surfaced a few meters away and looked back at the waterfall. It wasn’t so strong. They probably could swim right up to it. It looked like there was some space behind it, maybe a ledge.

“Hey, Ezri!”

“Yeah?”

“Think we can get up behind the falls?”

“What the hell, why not try it?”

He swam to her and they both began to pull and kick against the current. He thought for a second of calling for the controls to lower it, then chided himself.  _ We’re in a waterfall in Appalachia.  _ Ezri was swimming with all her might and had pulled half a length ahead of him. She was having no problems suspending disbelief. She was able to throw herself more fully into an experience than anyone he knew. Pure joy. As much turmoil and confusion as the joining had caused her, she threw herself onto her path of self-discovery wholeheartedly. He was lucky to be a part of it, and he knew it.

He wondered how long it could last.

Ezri had reached the waterfall and shouted to be heard over it. “I can’t keep treading here! I’m ducking behind and I’ll see what I find!”

He swam hard to catch up, dove under the falls, hands outstretched to prevent any collisions with rocks. (Though he knew the safeties were on. Sometimes in battle with Miles his adrenaline could get high enough he could forget. Rarely.) There was about a meter between where the falls hit the pool and the rock wall. And yes, there was a ledge. Ezri had already pulled herself onto it, her naked body glistening. The sun shone through in prisms. Her smile lit the whole space.

“C’mon, Julian! Get up here!” 

He hauled himself up on the ledge gracelessly and flopped down beside her on his side. She laughed as he struggled to catch his breath.

“Are you cold?”

“You’re not? My god, Ezri. What’s in that Trill body?”

“Here. Let me make you warm.”

She slid down to lie beside him, swung her leg over his and pressed their chests together. Her mouth was hot as she kissed him. 

“Mm. Getting warmer.”

“Yeah?”

He pressed against her so she could feel it.

“What the hell, Julian? How do you go from shivering to hard?”

“You. You do it to me.”

“Flattery.” He covered her mouth with kisses, then started working down. “Well, I’m not an adolescent boy, so I’ll need a little more warm up.”

“What do you think this is?”

“Very nice. Oh! Julian, you work fast!” 

Her cunt was hot as well. He licked her with a practiced tongue, lapping at her clit, burying his nose in her hair and inhaling. He moved down to lick her labia, nuzzling and caressing as he felt her grow hotter, and slicker. Her hands pulled at his hair. She began to writhe, and gasped, “Julian. Come up.”

He kissed his way up to her stomach, looked up and grinned. “Trying not to break my nose this time?”

“Yeah, that’s part of it. And I want you to fuck me.”

“Here? Is there anything you need?”

“No, you can feel me. My body’s got it covered this time.”

“On the rock? Is that okay?”

“If you’re gentle.”

“Of course.”

By this time he was holding himself up over her, kissing her neck and mouth. He lowered himself, and she guided him in with her hand.

“Oh!”

“Is it alright?” 

“Yes. Yes! Fuck me, Julian. Please.”

The falls crashed in front of them as he fucked her slowly, gently, until she began grasping at him, pulling him in deeper, biting at his shoulders. Her orgasm shook them both, his followed and he collapsed onto her soft body, rolled onto the rock by her side.

When he could speak again, he said, “Hey, Ezri?”

“Yeah?”

“Let’s just live here, okay?” 

“Mm. No. But we can stay for awhile.”

“Okay.” He curled into her side, listened to the water and her breathing. There were no other noises, not even in his mind.

****


End file.
